We all have different emotions after divorcing in our forties. Some women eventually embrace the opportunity for new beginnings and experiences, others feel like they have been left on the scrapheap to wither away. 40 plus dating can be challenging in itself and add a divorce status to that, our minds go into overdrive imaging all kinds of scenarios, and that’s even before we’ve gone on a date.
Below are eight of the most common dating dilemmas divorced women over 40 worry about with some tips and advice on overcoming them.
Am I Ready to Date?
This is one of the most common worries about dating after a divorce. How do we know if we are ready to date? The answer is simple. You won’t really know if you are ready or not until you start dating and find out. If during a date you feel uncomfortable and keep comparing your date to your ex-husband there is a good chance you are not ready to play the dating game yet. But, if you find yourself having a good time and enjoying your date’s company, then yeah, lady, you’re ready to get back onto the dating scene.
We will have 100 kids between us!
OK, we’re exaggerating, but dating when over 40 and divorced probably means one or both of you will have some kids. But ask yourself, does it really matter? As long as your children are coping with the divorce and realise they are still loved by both Mum and Dad, they will handle you dating again. Plus, if your new love interest does have kids it means a shared interest, some fun kid related days out and the opportunity for your children to spend time with other kids. So, stop worrying about how many children you might or might not have between you and get out there and have some fun.
He’s Not My Husband
You are divorced, you don’t want your new beau to be like your husband. That might sound harsh, but there is a ring of truth to it. Sometimes we have a tendency to put our ex-husbands on a bit of a peddle stool after a divorce. Don’t focus on the things you liked about him, focus on the things that took you to the divorce in the first place and make sure when you meet someone else he doesn’t have any of these traits. If he does, run, and fast. It will be a bit daunting at first. You knew your husband inside and out, but you are no longer a couple and it’s time to forget what was and focus on what can be.
I’ve Only Ever Had Sex with My Husband
This dilemma can seem really scary. But whoa, slow down. We are talking about a few dates with someone new, there is no law stating that you have to go to bed with them. Don’t even let your imagination bring sex into the equation at this point. If you start dating someone and you like them, the sex issue won’t feel so daunting. Why worry about sex with another partner when you are only considering starting to date again? Sex is a long way off so don’t even think about it until the time occurs. Worrying about something that hasn’t happened is not constructive and won’t help you get out there and start dating again.
I Don’t Know How to Date
Let’s be honest here, who does actually know how to date? There are no rule books stating the do’s and don’ts of dating. Other than being polite and avoiding talking about your ex-husband all night there are no set rules when you are dating. If you put this into perspective the chances are you are going to be dating someone of your own age and perhaps a divorcee as well. Your date will feel the same as you. Stop worrying that you don’t know how to date and focus on what is more important. Having a good time, meeting new people and getting back into the dating game. After a few dates with someone you’ll know exactly how to act on a date.
I’m Too Old to Start Again
Age is only a physical description of how long we’ve been here. There is no reason for anyone not to start dating again or look for romance, no matter what your age is. There are some women around that have found love in their 70’s. Age shouldn’t be a barrier to happiness. You deserve to be happy no matter how old you are and you aren’t exactly starting again. You are just branching out into the next stage of your life.
My Looks Have Left Me
Personally, many women over 40 often look better now than they did in their twenties. Think Demi Moore, Nichole Kidman and Jenifer Anderson for example. These women ooze sex appeal more now than they ever did in the 1990’s. A lot of men like dating women over 40 for this exact reason. Sex appeal and attractiveness is not just about looks. It’s about life experience, personality and your mind. 40 plus dating is not as superficial as dating in your twenties. It’s also important to remember you are probably going to date a man who is in the same age bracket too and he will have the same doubts about his looks and body as you are having.
I Don’t Go Anywhere to Find Someone New
When you start to think about moving on after a divorce, 40 plus dating is different than it was for you ten or fifteen years ago. It’s unlikely you are going to go dancing at the local nightclub all night after all. But, there are lots of groups you could join or if you don’t feel able to do that, you can find someone perfect for you from the comfort of your own home. There are many dating sites for middle-aged available online and all you have to do is set up a profile. It’s not about where you go, it’s about what you do. So, stop worrying that you don’t go out very often, there are still opportunities for you to meet new people.
Worrying about dating if you are in your forties and divorced is not the minefield you are imagining it to be. Don’t let the worry of what has not yet happened put you off meeting someone new. Get back into the dating game and have some fun. You deserve it.